"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine, and injustice in the world when He could do something about it...but I'm afraid God might ask me the same question."

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Got Love?

I have been asking myself questions about love a lot lately... Do I have enough love to go around? How can I love someone so much and yet get so annoyed with them ;)? Does Grace really understand that we love her and will always be her family? Does Grace really love us? Maybe it's just all the Valentine's decorations and red hearts that I see everywhere, but it has me thinking..

It seems like such an obvious concept, love. Now, imagine that you are a child who has been raised in a different country and has only recently been added to a new family- would you know which people are the ones who are supposed to love you? I believe that God choose Grace for us and us for her, so I know that His love surrounds our adoption. Does this make it easy to feel love all the time??? Nope. When we brought Grace home, I was sure we were head over heels in love with one another. She clung to me for dear life when we got off the airplane and landed on American soil. She would cry every day when I had to put her down to do household chores like cook dinner. She even said "I love you mommy." It made my heart melt. Recently, however...she has been throwing around the word love like crazy. She "LOVES" Cinderella. She "LOVES" a pretty dress. She will say she loves just about anyone (sorry to those of you who were feeling very special...). It all sort of hit me yesterday when my son was on speaker phone talking to a friend of his from school (don't ask me why he needed to be on speaker phone...just a weird little 5th grade boy thing I guess). Grace asked Drew who he was talking to. He said "Sam." Grace then proceeds to say to Sam "I love you Sam." Hmmmm.... really? I took Grace aside and had a little chat with her. I tried to explain that love is a very special feeling that we share with each other. It is mostly a word that we say to our family members (at least for now...). I explained that she could tell us she loves us, but that not every nice person that enters our house or lives will be the recipient of an "I love you." It is really hard to explain.

I guess I bring this up because I wonder if it is related to attachment, or if it is related to being three years old. I read all the attachment info before we brought Grace home, so I know the importance of making sure that she is bonding with us first and foremost. I can't help but think that it would be so strange to be in her shoes and have someone try to tell you that you are supposed to really love these new people (called your family) right now. How can we expect such a thing? I sort of feel like we are kidding ourselves into thinking that love would be instant. I DO believe that Grace truly loves us. We have been a family for seven months now. I know she has grown to love us and comes to us for comfort and to receive affection. We are bonding. It is a process. I would like to know how others (who have adopted "older" kids) have dealt with this part of attachment. It is, after all, what attachment really is. I think it will be a matter of time before Grace really understands love and what it means. Hopefully being part of our family will help Grace to understand. We sure do love her.

Speaking of love...check out these awesome coffee mugs. I "love" them ;) I can't wait to order mine. They are an adoption fundraiser for a great family. Check out their blog for more info!

I'm also crazy about this shirt. It would be perfect for my little Bryce! I love him in tie dye shirts (works well with his hair for some reason). I really like the simple message on these shirts..."got love? adopt" They also have all sorts of solid color shirts for kids and adults.

Speaking of love...
This is how our little Grace usually looks.
If I am "keeping it real," this is also how she looks at least a few times every day. We still LOVE her when she is like this. That is what I keep telling her daily. She is a joy AND a challenge and we are so lucky to have been blessed with her. My prayer is that she can experience more LOVE than she ever dreamed. I also pray that we continue to become completely attached (is this possible?). I would cherish feedback from other adoptive moms in this department. I might just need some reassurance.

Now, I better go check on my little love...I am bound to find this. Every time I turn around, she is putting on more make up. Heaven help me!


  1. Yes, I think you are so right-on to ponder this. With these little ones with their broken hearts, they can be so indiscriminate about love. The experts say that they will need to be with you as long as they were without you to be fully attached. After one year, I can say that I now agree with this. We still talk a lot to our Grace about saving our love for our family. I think it's hard for them too because people tend to be so overly-effusive with them all the time, that I really do think that they are convinced that everyone loves them! It's tricky.....

  2. Love that you keep it real. And I love all that Bonnie had to say, too! Good point about being with us as long as they were without us... wow.

  3. Thanks for keeping it real and for sharing. I will definitely keep this post in mind as we are spending time with all of the precious children at Hannah's Hope Orphanage next weekend- we leave in 5 days for Ethiopia to meet our boy!!!!