"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine, and injustice in the world when He could do something about it...but I'm afraid God might ask me the same question."
-Anonymous

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Grace and Mom...

Grace continues to amaze me. She also continues to drive me a bit nutty some days. She has so much to offer. She is adorable (duh), smart (she recently started writing words...like all on her own), outgoing, and so resilient. The thing is...she is also different than my other kids in respect to one thing- how she responds to me. I know with 100% certainty that my three oldest kids feel an unconditional love for me as their mom. It is obvious (to me) that when an infant comes to a family, they are completely reliant on the parents for care. There is a certain type of bond that exists because of necessity (among other things of course). My first three kids shared this experience with me. Grace, on the other hand, didn't. She is very independent. She seems to view me as her mom, whom she loves, but I also believe that she views me as the caretaker that gets in her way at times. She reacts to me in ways that I am unfamiliar with. She doesn't seem to need the same things from me. Adopting an "older child" can be hard. Things are not perfect. Feelings get hurt.
There are days when I wonder if Grace has a little of this guy in her...
BUT...I also know that she has been through a lot. So, when she tells me that she "doesn't need me to come to school" with her on her 'special helper day' (like the other moms do), I need to remember that it might not be because she doesn't want me there, but that she might not need me there...(my feelings were hurt by her announcement that she didn't want me to stay at school). I need to remember that Grace is so darn independent and smart, that I am pretty sure she could take care of herself in most ways. She would easily be able to dress herself, clean up after herself, she could probably cook for herself, and I bet she could earn a living on her own if she had to (some type of entertaining...maybe a street side singer/dancer?).
So...today as I reflect on little Miss Grace, I need to remember:

6 comments:

  1. Oh the beauty and pain of adoption. Thanks for reminding us that it's not all "peachy" all the time. Love your outlook and patience with sweet Grace.

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  2. thanks for this , deena. loving is not always easy--you know i think our tables are turned a bit, but it all comes down to expectations, right? love happens...in it's own time. :0)

    aregash saw your picture and started asking me lots of questions so i went back to show her your whole family and told her that we are good friends thru the computer, but we get to meet soon. she would love to meet grace (maybe next summer? ) and please tell grace aregash thinks she's "really really cute" :0).

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  3. Be still my heart. You wrote this for me today. I've been struggling so very much with these feelings lately. It's hard on the Momma when you WANT them to love you the way you want to be loved and they don't. I pray you get a small glimpse of that today.

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  4. that quote is so amazingly powerful. i love the way that you communicate with both truth and grace regarding your relationship with grace. what beauty!

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  5. Oh yes, our relationships with these little sweeties are so different. Do you feel like there's a part of her that might be holding back, just in case you leave? I feel that a lot. Stay the course, keep doing what you're doing. You know she loves you!! You are the perfect mom for her!

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  6. So appreciate this post. These little ladies got so used to taking care of themselves that they think (at least sometimes) that that is normal. And yes... it can hurt. Thanks for your honesty.

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